70 Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

70 Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you




70 Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you. Here are the best short funny quotes and sayings about life in general that will amuse you, humorous quotes and sayings with irony that will make you think, funny sarcasm quotes with pictures that are fun to read, make you laugh and at the same time will inspire you, and short inspirational funny quotes by famous people about life that you can read which you can learn from it that you can share with your friends, family, and loved ones.


Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

1. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. - John Wayne



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

2. She's strong! And scary... I bet she's single... I'd put money on it... - Masashi Kishimoto



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

3. I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. - Woody Allen



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

4. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

5. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

6. The planet is fine. The people are fucked. - George Carlin



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

7. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

8. The road to success is always under construction. - Lily Tomlin



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

9. What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’? - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

10. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. - Billy Wilder



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

11. Puns are the highest form of literature. - Alfred Hitchcock



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

12. Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks. - Holly Black



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

13. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

14. You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

15. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

16. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. - George Bernard Shaw



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

17. Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - William James



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

18. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. - Will Rogers



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

19. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. - Rodney Dangerfield



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

20. That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

21. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

22. Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. - Billy Sunday



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

24. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

25. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

26. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

27. This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. - Oscar Wilde



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

28. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. - Unknown



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

29. The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. - Terry Pratchett



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

30. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. - Will Rogers



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

31. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. - Mitch Hedberg



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

32. When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?' - Sydney J. Harris



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

33. Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Unknown



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

34. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower. - Mitch Hedberg



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

35. I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

36. I hate women because they always know where things are. - Voltaire



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

37. I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. - Steven Wright



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

38. Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. - Voltaire



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

39. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

40. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

41. Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

42. I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. - Mitch Hedberg



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

43. What’s another word for Thesaurus? - Steven Wright



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

44. Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - W. C. Fields



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

45. Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us. - Stephen Colbert



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

46. All generalizations are false, including this one. - Mark Twain



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

47. It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

48. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

49. Don’t put your wand there, boy!... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know! - J.K. Rowling



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

50. Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. - Bill Murray



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

51. Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katharine Hepburn



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

52. I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

53. You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

54. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. - Bill Murray



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

55. I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. - Mitch Hedberg



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

56. I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me. - Marc Maron



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

57. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

58. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

59. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

60. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? - Jerry Seinfeld



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

61. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

62. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. - Steven Wright



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

63. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

64. Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? - John Barrymore



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

65. If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. - Theodore Roosevelt



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

66. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

67. If you must make a noise, make it quietly. - Oliver Hardy



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

68. A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

69. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen



Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you

70. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. - Steven Wright

70 Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you 70 Funny sarcastic quotes and sayings that'll inspire you Reviewed by Kerr S. on August 17, 2019 Rating: 5

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