45 Funny graduation quotes that'll surely make you smile. Here are the best funny graduation quotes to read from famous authors that will inspire you and make you smile as well. Graduation is a special ceremony held in the school for students in grade school, high school, or college who completed their studies, awarded by degrees and diplomas. May these quotes about graduation help you realize the importance of education that will change your life and give you a better future. Share these quotes on graduation with your friends, family, and loved ones.
1. Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you. - John Green
2. My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives. - Lin Manuel Miranda
3. If at first you don't succeed, try to hide your astonishment. - Harry Banks
4. Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money. - Gary Bolding
5. Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed. - Erma Bombeck
6. The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. - John Stewart
7. The man who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow is uneducated the day after. - Newton D. Baker
8. The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate. - Doug Larson
9. Now that you’ve graduated, just remember, bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother. - Melanie White
10. Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. - Clive James
11. There is a good reason they call these ceremonies 'commencement exercises. Graduation is not the end, it's the beginning. - Orrin Hatch
12. Parents, you will spend more money framing your child's diploma than they will earn in the next six months. It's tough out there, so be patient. The only people hiring right now are Panera and Mexican drug cartels. - Conan O’Brien
13. If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. - Robert Goheen
14. The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
15. All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder. - Anonymous
16. Alphabet, a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates. - Bauvard
17. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito. - Bette Reese
18. A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality is the key to success. - Robert Orben
19. If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. - Frank A. Clark
20. Graduation, a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it. - Anonymous
21. It doesn't matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping. - Jerry Zucker
22. Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. - Erma Bombeck
23. Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
24. And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would. - Neil Gaiman
25. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go. - Dr. Seuss
26. Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities, the freshmen bring a little in, the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. - Dr. A. Lawrence Lowell
27. When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back. - Anonymous
28. Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along. - Stephen Colbert
29. A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car. But if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
30. Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.- Arnold Schwarzenegger
31. Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class. Hope your surgery went well! - Simone Elkeles
32. Remember, when it come to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover! - Patricia Akins
33. The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this, don't do it. I have been out there. It is a mess. - Russell Baker
34. Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde
35. It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days. - Isabel Waxman
36. In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson. - Tom Bodett
37. When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate, because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash. - Barney Frank
38. I’ve never studied anything formally. I was excluded from school at the age of 17, so I am an autodidact, which is a word that I have taught myself. - Alan Moore
39. So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it. - Bill Patterson
40. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough. - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf
41. You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air? - Anonymous
42. The thing about new beginnings is that they require something else to end. - Gossip Girl
43. So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track. - Ed Helms
44. I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever invented copy and paste! - Anonymous
45. I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony. - Anonymous
1. Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you. - John Green
2. My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives. - Lin Manuel Miranda
3. If at first you don't succeed, try to hide your astonishment. - Harry Banks
4. Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money. - Gary Bolding
5. Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed. - Erma Bombeck
6. The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. - John Stewart
7. The man who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow is uneducated the day after. - Newton D. Baker
8. The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate. - Doug Larson
9. Now that you’ve graduated, just remember, bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother. - Melanie White
10. Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. - Clive James
11. There is a good reason they call these ceremonies 'commencement exercises. Graduation is not the end, it's the beginning. - Orrin Hatch
12. Parents, you will spend more money framing your child's diploma than they will earn in the next six months. It's tough out there, so be patient. The only people hiring right now are Panera and Mexican drug cartels. - Conan O’Brien
13. If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. - Robert Goheen
14. The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
15. All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder. - Anonymous
16. Alphabet, a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates. - Bauvard
17. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito. - Bette Reese
18. A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality is the key to success. - Robert Orben
19. If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. - Frank A. Clark
20. Graduation, a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it. - Anonymous
21. It doesn't matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping. - Jerry Zucker
22. Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. - Erma Bombeck
23. Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
24. And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would. - Neil Gaiman
25. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go. - Dr. Seuss
26. Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities, the freshmen bring a little in, the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. - Dr. A. Lawrence Lowell
27. When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back. - Anonymous
28. Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along. - Stephen Colbert
29. A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car. But if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
30. Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.- Arnold Schwarzenegger
31. Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class. Hope your surgery went well! - Simone Elkeles
32. Remember, when it come to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover! - Patricia Akins
33. The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this, don't do it. I have been out there. It is a mess. - Russell Baker
34. Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde
35. It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days. - Isabel Waxman
36. In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson. - Tom Bodett
37. When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate, because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash. - Barney Frank
38. I’ve never studied anything formally. I was excluded from school at the age of 17, so I am an autodidact, which is a word that I have taught myself. - Alan Moore
39. So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it. - Bill Patterson
40. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough. - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf
41. You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air? - Anonymous
42. The thing about new beginnings is that they require something else to end. - Gossip Girl
43. So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track. - Ed Helms
44. I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever invented copy and paste! - Anonymous
45. I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony. - Anonymous