60 Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

60 Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile




60 Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile. Here are some of the best funny quotes that you can enjoy reading from famous authors. May these hilarious quotes and sayings make your day more meaningful and lead you to a more joyful day! Share it with friends, family, and loved ones to bring inspiration and happiness on their faces.


Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

1. She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom. - John Green



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

2. I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

3. Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

4. Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me? - John Kennedy Toole



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

5. Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C.S. Lewis



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

6. Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly. - Carroll Bryant



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

7. I used to think boners literally pointed in the direction of the person you're attracted to, like a compass. That would be helpful. Mortifying as fuck, but at least it would clarify things. - Becky Albertalli



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

8. I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said. - Dave Matthes



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

9. I was like, 'Dude, make me look bad. Please. I want to look ugly. I want to wear orange pants. - Evanescence



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

10. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. - Ellen DeGeneres



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

11. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

12. It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. - Marilyn Monroe



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

13. Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. - Lemony Snicket



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

14. They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting. - John Green



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

15. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guiswite



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

16. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

17. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? - Jerry Seinfeld



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

18. That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

19. If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. - Lawrence Ferlinghetti



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

20. Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

21. What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes. - Gena Showalter



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

22. I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here. - Lauren Myracle



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

23. Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. - Robert Benchley



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

24. You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world! - James Dashner



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

25. You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle! - Lauren Myracle



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

26. Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright. - Laurell K. Hamilton



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

27. Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! - Hergé



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

28. You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! - Bill Watterson



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

29. I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman! - C. JoyBell C.



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

30. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. - Rodney Dangerfield



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

31. When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

32. Will you show me what you really look like? You don't sparkle, do you? - Jennifer L. Armentrout



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

33. What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize. - Rick Riordan



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

34. Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided. - Mae West



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

35. A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real. - Harry Styles



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

36. Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up. - Marian Keyes



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

37. She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride. - Gayle Forman



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

38. Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned. - Laurell K. Hamilton



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

39. This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka! - Gerard Way



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

40. You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever. - Johnny Depp



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

41. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. Lesson is, never try. - Homer Simpson



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

42. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. - Groucho Marx



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

43. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. - Jack Handey



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

44. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

45. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. - Dave Barry



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

46. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. - Socrates



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

47. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

48. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. - Steven Wright



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

49. Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

50. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

51. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. - Richard Jeni



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

52. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. - Fred Allen



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

53. An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

54. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

55. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. - Robert Bloch



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

56. Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

57. The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley Randall



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

58. Why do people say “no offense" right before they’re about to offend you? - Anonymous



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

59. Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. - Helen Rowland



Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile

60. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman

60 Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile 60 Funny quotes and hilarious sayings to make you smile Reviewed by Kerr S. on April 18, 2019 Rating: 5

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