44 Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

44 Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile




44 Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile. Here are the best Christmas quotes and sayings that you can read to inspire you and at the same time to give you thoughts of happiness. They say Christmas is the time to be Merry, and we will make yours the most cheerful and lively Christmas ever with our funny Christmas quotes. Enjoy our collection of humorous Christmas quotes with images. Spread the joy, love, and happiness this Christmas holiday season together with your family, friends, loved ones.


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

1. Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up. - Wendy Cope



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

2. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying: 'Toys not included.' - Bernard Manning



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

3. I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays. - Henry Youngman



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile


4. Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. - Frank McKinney Kin Hubbard



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

5. A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

6. No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidation on the eve of a major holiday. - Emma Bombeck



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

7. The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. - Joan Rivers



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

8. Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. - Anonymous



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

9. Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer. Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? - Bill Watterson



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

10. The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. - Johnny Carson



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

11. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. - Phyllis Diller



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

12. Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. - Dennis Miller



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

13. Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. - Bart Simpson



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

14. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. - Anonymous



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

15. I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. - Dick Gregory



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

16. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day. - Phyllis Diller



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

17. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. - Victor Borge


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

18. Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. -Johnny Carson


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

19. Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts. - Max Lucado


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

20. You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger. - Robert Paul



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

21. Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money? - Tom Armstrong


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

22. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? - Arlo Guthrie


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

23. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. -W. C. Fields


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

24. Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. - Larry Wilde


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

25. Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. - Richard Lamm


Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

26. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. - Phyllis Diller



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

27. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. - Will Ferrell



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

28. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. - Dave Barry



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

29. That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. - Jerry Seinfeld



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

30. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases. - Bridger Winegar



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

31. One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books. - J.K. Rowling



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

32. The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: Some assembly required. - John Leo



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

33. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. - Maya Angelou



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

34. I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough. - Bridger Winegar



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

35. Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. - Melanie White



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

36. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

37. Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa? - Matt Groening



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

38. For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway! - Anne Bristow



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

39. There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? - Conan O'Brien



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

40. I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. - Steven Wright



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

41. A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day. - Melanie White



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

42. Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar... or, as you like to call it, delicatessen. - Sean Hughes



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile

43. The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes. - Julius Sharpe



Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile


44. I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange. - Henny Youngman

44 Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile 44 Funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile Reviewed by Kerr S. on December 09, 2019 Rating: 5

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