61 Funny quotes and sayings about life by famous people. Here are the best short funny quotes from the great authors that will inspire you and make you smile as well. You don't have to be serious all the time, that is why we prepared these short funny quotes about life that will surely make you smile. Being funny that will brighten up your day is the goal of these humorous quotes that you will enjoy reading. May these funny inspirational life quotes with images bring out the cheerful and happier version of you. Share these funny quotes about life with your friends, family, and loved ones.
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
2. Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor was given to us to console us for what we are. - Mark McGinnis
3. God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die. - Humorist Bill Watterson
4. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
5. I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. - Bruce Grocott
6. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. - Fats Domino
7. Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. - Dave Barry
8. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx
9. Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst
10. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a 'CELL' phone. - Anonymous
11. I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash
12. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones
13. From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill
14. Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. - Will Rogers
16. Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women. - Groucho Marx
17. I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. - Milton Berle
18. Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. - Robert Orben
19. If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. - Doug Larson
20. Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. - Doug Larson
21. Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G.K. Chesterton
22. Status quo, you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in. - Ronald Reagan
23. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
24. When your outgo exceeds your income, the upshot may be your downfall. - Paul Harvey
25. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. - Don Marquis
26. I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin
27. All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. - Jane Wagner
28. I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road. - Steven Hawking
29. Part of the good part of being a parent is a constant sense of deja vu. But some of what you have to vu you never want to vu again. - Anna Quindlen
30. If the new father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. - Bill Cosby
31. If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself! - Eubie Blake
32. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein
33. I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa
34. Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. - Bill Cosby
35. A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William A. Ward
36. A good laugh is sunshine in a house. - William Makepeace Thackery
37. I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh about if you try hard enough. - Red Skelton
38. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut
39. Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. - Victor Hugo
40. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill
41. There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous
42. If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember. -Terry Pratchett
43. Laughter is to life what shock absorbers are to automobiles: It won't take the potholes out of the road, but it sure makes the ride smoother. - Barbara Johnson
44. If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. - Erma Bombec
45. I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. - Woody Allen
46. I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. - Douglas Adams
47. You are upgrading your technology, and you've not upgraded yourself! - Eric Thomas
48. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. - Thomas Stephen Szasz
49. I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here. - Arthur C. Clarke
50. When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it. - Bernard Bailey
51. Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. - Charles Bukowski
52. Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I’m not dead. - Tom Stoppard
53. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous
54. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. - Terry Pratchett
55. Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen
56. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert Heinlein
57. Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans. - Raheel Farooq
58. If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. -Steven Wright
59. If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous
60. Life's a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest. - Wilson Mizner
61. There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. - Anonymous
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
2. Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor was given to us to console us for what we are. - Mark McGinnis
3. God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die. - Humorist Bill Watterson
4. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
5. I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. - Bruce Grocott
6. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. - Fats Domino
7. Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. - Dave Barry
8. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx
9. Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst
10. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a 'CELL' phone. - Anonymous
11. I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash
12. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones
13. From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill
14. Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. - Will Rogers
16. Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women. - Groucho Marx
17. I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. - Milton Berle
18. Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. - Robert Orben
19. If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. - Doug Larson
20. Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. - Doug Larson
21. Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G.K. Chesterton
22. Status quo, you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in. - Ronald Reagan
23. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
24. When your outgo exceeds your income, the upshot may be your downfall. - Paul Harvey
25. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. - Don Marquis
26. I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin
27. All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. - Jane Wagner
28. I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road. - Steven Hawking
29. Part of the good part of being a parent is a constant sense of deja vu. But some of what you have to vu you never want to vu again. - Anna Quindlen
30. If the new father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. - Bill Cosby
31. If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself! - Eubie Blake
32. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein
33. I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa
34. Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. - Bill Cosby
35. A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William A. Ward
36. A good laugh is sunshine in a house. - William Makepeace Thackery
37. I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh about if you try hard enough. - Red Skelton
38. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut
39. Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. - Victor Hugo
40. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill
41. There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous
42. If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember. -Terry Pratchett
43. Laughter is to life what shock absorbers are to automobiles: It won't take the potholes out of the road, but it sure makes the ride smoother. - Barbara Johnson
44. If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. - Erma Bombec
45. I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. - Woody Allen
46. I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. - Douglas Adams
47. You are upgrading your technology, and you've not upgraded yourself! - Eric Thomas
48. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. - Thomas Stephen Szasz
49. I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here. - Arthur C. Clarke
50. When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it. - Bernard Bailey
51. Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. - Charles Bukowski
52. Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I’m not dead. - Tom Stoppard
53. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous
54. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. - Terry Pratchett
55. Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen
56. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert Heinlein
57. Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans. - Raheel Farooq
58. If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. -Steven Wright
59. If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous
60. Life's a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest. - Wilson Mizner
61. There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. - Anonymous
61 Funny quotes and sayings about life by famous people
Reviewed by Bliss Quote
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November 24, 2019
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Reviewed by Bliss Quote
on
November 24, 2019
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