70 Funny inspirational quotes about life by famous people

70 Funny inspirational quotes about life by famous people. Here are the best funny quotes about life that will inspire you. Don't make those serious faces when having a tough day. All you need is something that will brighten your day and uplift your mood to make your day go on with a smile. May these funny inspirational quotes fulfill their purpose and bring out the cheerful and happier version of you. Share these funny motivational quotes with your friends, family, and loved ones to inspire them as well.

Funny inspirational quotes about life by famous people
1. “Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.” – George Carlin

2. “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

3. “God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.” – Humorist Bill Watterson

4. “I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with them later.” – Mitch Hedberg

5. “I have thought that if work were such a splendid thing, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.” – Bruce Grocott

6. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino

7. “Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.” – Dave Barry

8. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” – Groucho Marx

9. “Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.” – Judith Viorst
Funny inspirational quotes about life by famous people
10. “I always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

11. “I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.” – Ogden Nash

12. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.” – Franklin P. Jones

13. “From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.” – Winston Churchill

14. “Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.” – Lily Tomlin

15. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.” – Will Rogers

16. “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.” – Groucho Marx

17. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

18. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” – Betty White

19. “If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.” – Doug Larson

20. “Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.” – Doug Larson

21. “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” – G.K. Chesterton

22. “Luck is what you have left over after you give one hundred percent.” – Langston Coleman

23. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

24. “When your outgo exceeds your income, the upshot may be your downfall.” – Paul Harvey

25. “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis

26. “I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones. That's why it's called a CELL phone.” – Anonymous

27. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

28. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

29. “Part of the good part of being a parent is a constant sense of deja vu. But some of what you have to vu, you never want to vu again.” – Anna Quindlen

30. “If the new father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.” – Bill Cosby

31. “If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.” – Eubie Blake

32. “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” – Albert Einstein

33. “I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” – Mother Teresa

34. “Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.” – Bill Cosby

35. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain

36. “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

37. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

38. “When I hear somebody sigh, life is hard, I'm always tempted to ask, compared to what?” – Sydney Harris

39. “I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

40. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning, I will be sober, and you will still be ugly.” – Winston Churchill

41. “There are one hundred billion nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.” – Anonymous

42. “If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.” – Terry Pratchett

43. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

44. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

45. “Breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” – Jerry Seinfeld

46. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” – Douglas Adams

47. “You are upgrading your technology, and you've not upgraded yourself.” – Eric Thomas

48. “Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” – Thomas Stephen Szasz

49. “I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.” – Arthur C. Clarke

50. “When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.” – Bernard Bailey

51. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

52. “Someone asked me if I were stranded on a desert island, what book would I bring: How to Build a Boat.” – Steven Wright

53. “Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.” – Anonymous

54. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

55. “Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen

56. “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” – Robert Heinlein

57. “Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.” – Raheel Farooq

58. “If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

59. “If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.” – Anonymous

60. “Life's a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest.” – Wilson Mizner

61. “There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.” – Anonymous

62. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

63. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” – Mindy Kaling

64. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

65. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” – Joan Rivers

66. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

67. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” – Leslie Nielsen

68. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

69. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” – Adam Sandler

70. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I started. So far, I’ve finished two bags of MMs and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

Bliss Quote

A website made with a vast collection of Famous Quotes to encourage, motivate and inspire you.

Previous Post Next Post